New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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