the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
