Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
