Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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