The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
