You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
