Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
