It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
