I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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