wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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