batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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