Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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