just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize