Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
