I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
