I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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