Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
