11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I supernannyed him into submission
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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