we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
