yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
