u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do herpes really smell.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Randomize
