And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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