that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
