mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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