Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
