You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
