there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He has the fingertips of a God
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