thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
