We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
