Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
