here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
