Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
