so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
