I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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