remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
