I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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