eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
