nutella sex= disaster
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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