she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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