I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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