Your face is a jimmy john
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
