who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
