Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
