she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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