My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
