the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
