Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
