ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
