I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
