I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
