You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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