Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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