Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
