Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
