i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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