dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
