i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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