Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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