How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
