Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
