I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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