I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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