so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
