how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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