last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
