He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
