My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
