your thong is hanging out like whoa
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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