remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize