i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
