I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
