There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
