hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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