Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
