I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
