Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
