i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The power of my boobs compel you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
